The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize