I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
My dick has a subreddit
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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