honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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