he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
