Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
