Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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