sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
