How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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