I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
