He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
