Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
