I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
