Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Randomize
