ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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