my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
