Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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