Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
