From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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