Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
