he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
