I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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