I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize