just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
