Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
