I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
