i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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