White coat. Heels.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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