Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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