Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
