im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize