I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
