Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
