Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My vagina just clenched in fear
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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