I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
