he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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