my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
