Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
