i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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