Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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