I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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