i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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