you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
