Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
