would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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