i barfeds in our rink
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
