I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can't motorboat a personality
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
