i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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