Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
