hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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