Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
