It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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