Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
