I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
