How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
