She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
