I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
