im six kinds of drunk right now
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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