i love accidental penises.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
