Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
