I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I got inside last night via doggy door
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
