I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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