I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
