Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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