i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
