new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
