he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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