if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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