Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
